Dirty jokes

Wife puts on weight

A young woman was packing her husband's lunch early one morning. As he walked into the room he told her she was putting on weight. The woman ignored the remark and turned to walk out of the room. He then said "Your behind is as big as a four burner barbecue". Again she ignored him. That night, when he came to bed and cuddled up to her, she rolled over and wrapped the sheet around herself. Stunned he asked "What's wrong with you?" She replied, "Why fire up a four burner barbecue to cook half a sausage".

Yes and no tattoo

A man went to the tattoo parlor and had the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo.

"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.

Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"